Patience, Progress & Praising God

Okay, so first I will say that the past two weeks were a nightmare. I had 4 seizures in 8 days. Last week I had 1 on Tuesday that lasted about an hour and a half and then had another the very next afternoon for 45 minutes. They were hard and they caused me to be really sore, but thank the Lord, no falls, bumps or bruises this time - YAY! However, I was getting so tired and honestly, so depressed about having to go through all of it. I was beginning to think that I would never see any progress and only continue to suffer. God got to me with His whispers every day though, telling me He was with me, telling me to have faith, telling me that He would be my Healer, my Comforter and He would fight when I was too tired to do so.

I cried one night wanting to quit all of this, pack up the car and head back home. I was angry about the seizures, about how 4 different anti-seizure drugs and 1 muscle relaxer were not keeping these seizures away. As soon as I had moaned (very loudly might I add) to my mom, I walked out onto the screened in porch and God hit me over the head with His wisdom. He convicted me of being ungrateful. I was being ungrateful because I wasn't "setting my mind on things above" (Col. 3:2). I prayed for a doctor who could tell me what I had and who could treat me and God lead me here to Kansas City to a doctor who could do just that. I never asked Him to make my healing easy, or to make me well super fast. So, I had to realize how my timeline was not going to be the same as God's perfect timing. I was going to have to be patient. He's also been telling me to give up control and let Him carry out His will as I hand my worries and fears over to Him. So I prayed. I prayed hard and I meditated on Him, just listening for Him to speak to my spirit. He did and I listened as He told me to cast ALL my cares on Him.

My doctor's meeting was yesterday and I prayed that God would give the doctor wisdom about the seizures, and everything else. I also prayed that He would take the worry from both my heart & M's heart as we went in to find out results of yet more and more blood work. He lifted that worry from us and we felt an odd sense of peace before the meeting when we normally would be anxious and nervous. Before we went I read to M the verses from my daily calendar. Saturday's verse was:

"Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7 (NIV)

I thought, "WOW - I am asking God for peace and He is giving it to me!" Yesterday before the meeting I flipped the calendar again and read:

"I am with you and will protect you wherever you go." Genesis 28:15 (TLB)

I must say I teared up a little thinking about how God has been ever present with me as I have endured so many trials. I thought about how as the doctor had said the seizures could be triggered by such things as the television, the computer, and even talking on my cell phone. I felt stripped of all the things I normally would use to distract myself. I had NOTHING I could do until I realized God was using this time for me to realize I did have something to do - I had to meditate on His word and His promises. I did that as much as I could but I'm not perfect and I must say how much I missed my "lifeline" to the outside world...i.e. my computer! Don't worry about me writing this though because I have been on a 3 day break from treatment to allow my body to rest and so it doesn't bother me for now to be on here this short while.

Now, the good news!!! In my meeting we found out that I got rid of Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever - YAY!!! When I came here the doctor said I likely had it even though my tests were negative. Apparently in November some more biofilm broke out and I tested positive for it after 3 negative tests! Now it is gone and I can get off of my current IV antibiotic and change to one that will hit the Babesia which is the main cause of my seizures. This is the first really BIG progress I have made. Just by knocking that out my C4A test went from 4,400 (something) to 2, 400 (something). That is a test that basically just shows how overloaded your immune system is. Normal should be around 1,2oo so I still have a way to go but WOW what a difference it made in just 6 weeks! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

So now my dear friends we can say THANK YOU to God for being my Healer! He is using my doctor as His tool for His healing!!! I still have a way to go but this progress makes me realize I need to continue have patience because God's timeline is not the same as ours! I continue to lean on Him and thank Him for every day I have to continue this fight, knowing He goes before me in all things!

Much love to you all and I thank you all for your prayers because they are being answered...slowly but surely God is answering each one of your prayers. Praise Him today for the good things He has surrounded you with - pray with THANKSGIVING my friends because we all have things we take for granted that we need to tell God THANK YOU for don't we?? :)