Out with the bad...

My surgery to have my gallbladder removed is scheduled for 10:30 tomorrow morning. This will be my third laproscopic surgery so the good thing is that I'm not nervous about it. The bad thing is that my blood test from last week came back and my kidney function was actually worse even though I had been off the antibiotic for 2 days before my blood was drawn. Until my kidney function gets back to normal, I can't take ANY antibiotics. And, the longer I'm off the antibiotics, more of my symptoms come back. Going to consult with the surgeon on Monday was very difficult. My noise sensitivity was bad and I had to go back to wearing my earplugs and even my headphones. After thinking about all the progress I've made I was able to notice more of the psychological symptoms that Lyme and Bartonella cause. I knew my mood swings had gone away - no getting angry for no reason and then crying because I couldn't figure out why I was angry. I recognized that I was able to think more clearly and was not as confused as I had been. I also noticed that I've been less anxious as well.

Those are things you might not notice until they start to come back. I am having more difficulty thinking, although I believe that could also be due to the fact that I've had to be off of my blood thinner in order to have the endoscopy and the gallbladder surgery. No blood thinner means less blood flow to the brain which equals more difficulty processing even the most simple of thoughts. I have a hard time completing sentences without stopping in the middle to think of the next word. In fact, writing this entry has taken forever because I keep having to stop and think so hard about how to explain things. There is good news though. First, I don't feel those mood swings coming back. I thank the good Lord for that because they make you feel absolutely insane! Also, I'll be back on my blood thinner medication within a day or so of the surgery and after a few days of it I believe my ability to think clearly will come back.

However, the anxiety has started to creep back in. It's anxiety over the smallest things - like going to an unfamiliar place, having to meet someone I don't know, or not be able to expect what's coming next in my day. I know noises can trigger my seizures and I felt that again as I was in the hospital and surgeon's office the other day. After spending months without the unexplainable anxiety, I now believe that the more anxious I feel the worse my sensitivity to sound becomes. The anxiety also seems to put my brain in a state where seizures are more likely. I've been noise sensitive for a long time - long before starting treatment in Kansas City. And while it definitely became much worse, I think the way noises startle me might cause my seizures more than the noises themselves. It's always been easy to startle me because my "fight or flight" response, which comes when you get scared, doesn't work very well. The horomone that is released by the adrenal glands to respond to situations where you get scared or startled is cortisol. My cortisol levels were sky high when I first got to Kansas City. So much so that the doctor said it was as if I were being chased by a tiger all day. I stayed in a state of nervousness and anxiety well beyond what would be considered normal. My cortisol levels are lower now, but my adrenal glands still don't work as well as they should. I think on the Gentamicin my anxiety lessened as did most of my other symptoms and my adrenal glands started to function better. My anxiety is not nearly as bad as it was before the Gentamicin. I believe God allowed me to have a break from so many of my symptoms in order for me to understand them better. Once you better understand the reason behind the symptoms, you can understand how to treat them more effectively.

I've probably rambled on more in this entry than in others because well, I just can't think very well right now. I do trust in the fact that God has wonderful things planned for my life and that He will get me through all of this. I am looking forward to seeing how much better I feel after my gallbladder is removed. The surgeon said I might see a big difference in many of my symptoms, but that I should definitely have less back pain and stomach problems. I'll just be happy to eat again without getting sick and being able to get rid of this horrible chest pain. But, I must admit, I'm excited to think about what other symptoms may be related to my gallbladder that I haven't even thought about. God is good and He's proven that to me time and time again. I look forward to having this surgery behind me and for my kidneys to function properly again so we can get back on a treatment regimen and keep pushing forward.

I appreciate all of your prayers and would of course appreciate some as I go through my surgery and recovery. I'll write an update as soon as I can. Thank you all so much for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

"O Lord, you are my God; I will exault you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1 (NIV)

Much love to you all!
K