I'll keep it short because I'm not feeling well. I'm hanging in there though, just having one of those days when everything seems to fall apart.
The doctor had me go in for a colon cleanse and if you don't know what that means, well, I'm not going to explain it. I think it was just a bit much for my body to handle right now. However, it will help get rid of some of the toxins in my body and hopefully help rid me of the coxsackie virus a bit too. So it was treatment this morning for 2 hours then a 2 hour nap then 2 hours of colon fun (including the time it took to drive there and back) and then back to the clinic for 2 more hours of treatments. When I got to the clinic this afternoon and they mentioned I was supposed to have my Bicillin shots today I just cried. I had it in my head that I was getting them on Friday. Since I have yet to shed one single tear in clinic or during treatments the nurse immediately said, "We can just do it tomorrow okay?" and that made it better.
I forgot to add that since they realized I was allergic to Sulfa drugs I can no longer have the "Glut push" I wrote about earlier. The one that is supposed to help get oxygen to the brain? Apparently it has sulfa in it which would explain why my heart got all weird feeling when I pushed it through the PICC line even though I went very slowly - taking 27 minutes to push 20 ccs is really slow. The fact that yet another helpful thing has been removed because of my body's allergic limitations is frustrating at best. And today I just couldn't seem to get out of my funk.
I was going to wait until tomorrow to update when I will hopefully be in better spirits, but then I figured if you're reading this & wanting to go through it with me - well here again is the bad & ugly part of sharing all of the good, the bad & the ugly.
I know tomorrow will be better, even with the Bicillin shots. I know God is still in control and I have no doubt that He is with me through this journey. I just have to continue to have faith in Him and pray that the good days outnumber the bad ones. I have so much to be thankful for that I really hate to complain. I am so thankful that I'm here & finally getting treatments, no matter how hard they are on my body. I am so very grateful for a husband and a mother who are more than willing to take shifts on coming here to care for me. I am so blessed to have a sister who knows how to make me laugh even when I want to cry and a father who is willing to let his wife move up here for weeks at a time even though I know he likes it better when she's home. So, yes, it was a bad day but overall I still have to focus on how many good things are present in this bad day. Some dinner, some pills/supplements, some prayers and some rest will likely lead to a better day tomorrow.
I may have shared this verse before, but it doesn't matter really because it's the one I'm clinging to today:
"I will satisfy the weary, and all who are faint I will replenish." Jeremiah 31:25 (NRSV)
I know He will replenish me and I will go on to fight this battle feeling stronger tomorrow. The nurses were so sweet to me today and said I have yet to complain or question the treatments or cry from the pain or anguish so they told me I'm allowed to have bad days. They said they wish they could clone me because I'm a model patient. I figure it's only because I've had to be a patient for most of my life. So there, a hidden talent I didn't know about - I am a good patient. Thanks for all your love, concern and prayers. I hold them fast to my heart on days like these.
The doctor had me go in for a colon cleanse and if you don't know what that means, well, I'm not going to explain it. I think it was just a bit much for my body to handle right now. However, it will help get rid of some of the toxins in my body and hopefully help rid me of the coxsackie virus a bit too. So it was treatment this morning for 2 hours then a 2 hour nap then 2 hours of colon fun (including the time it took to drive there and back) and then back to the clinic for 2 more hours of treatments. When I got to the clinic this afternoon and they mentioned I was supposed to have my Bicillin shots today I just cried. I had it in my head that I was getting them on Friday. Since I have yet to shed one single tear in clinic or during treatments the nurse immediately said, "We can just do it tomorrow okay?" and that made it better.
I forgot to add that since they realized I was allergic to Sulfa drugs I can no longer have the "Glut push" I wrote about earlier. The one that is supposed to help get oxygen to the brain? Apparently it has sulfa in it which would explain why my heart got all weird feeling when I pushed it through the PICC line even though I went very slowly - taking 27 minutes to push 20 ccs is really slow. The fact that yet another helpful thing has been removed because of my body's allergic limitations is frustrating at best. And today I just couldn't seem to get out of my funk.
I was going to wait until tomorrow to update when I will hopefully be in better spirits, but then I figured if you're reading this & wanting to go through it with me - well here again is the bad & ugly part of sharing all of the good, the bad & the ugly.
I know tomorrow will be better, even with the Bicillin shots. I know God is still in control and I have no doubt that He is with me through this journey. I just have to continue to have faith in Him and pray that the good days outnumber the bad ones. I have so much to be thankful for that I really hate to complain. I am so thankful that I'm here & finally getting treatments, no matter how hard they are on my body. I am so very grateful for a husband and a mother who are more than willing to take shifts on coming here to care for me. I am so blessed to have a sister who knows how to make me laugh even when I want to cry and a father who is willing to let his wife move up here for weeks at a time even though I know he likes it better when she's home. So, yes, it was a bad day but overall I still have to focus on how many good things are present in this bad day. Some dinner, some pills/supplements, some prayers and some rest will likely lead to a better day tomorrow.
I may have shared this verse before, but it doesn't matter really because it's the one I'm clinging to today:
"I will satisfy the weary, and all who are faint I will replenish." Jeremiah 31:25 (NRSV)
I know He will replenish me and I will go on to fight this battle feeling stronger tomorrow. The nurses were so sweet to me today and said I have yet to complain or question the treatments or cry from the pain or anguish so they told me I'm allowed to have bad days. They said they wish they could clone me because I'm a model patient. I figure it's only because I've had to be a patient for most of my life. So there, a hidden talent I didn't know about - I am a good patient. Thanks for all your love, concern and prayers. I hold them fast to my heart on days like these.
Here's a fuzzy picture of me in treatment - I took it with my phone. Just wanted you all to see that I'm still smiling.
And here's one of the arm with the PICC line - I just stare at that plastic tube pumping all that "get-well juice" into me & think about how I'm one more IV bag towards my goal!
See, not too bad - just some get well juice working its magic :) Thank you Lord!!!
3 comments:
Thinking of you as you are in my prayers as always!
Love you!!
I am so glad you posted a picture of yourself :) It helped so much to see that BEAUTIFUL smile, but I also saw that light in your eyes that tells me, "everything's gonna be alright"
I love you!!!
I am so glad to see your pretty face and your smile. Glad you posted a pic. I love you very much. Your Prayer Bear is on it's way. The kids were excited that it was finally making it's way to you! Maybe he can keep you company while you are sitting in your chair at the clinic. Tell your mom that I love her too!
Stacye
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