A new day

After I wrote all that last night and prayed, I felt better and got some rest. I didn't feel like "hopping to" this morning at 6:00 for treatment, but I got there. I found out then that on Sundays we only have the IV antibiotics instead of the antibiotics followed by the hour bag of antioxidants. I was thrilled with that because not only do the antioxidants make me feel nauseated, it also meant one less hour in that chair!

The nurse gave me the syringe of Heparin which is the blood thinner they give first. The patients push their own Heparin, then the nurses push a syringe of saline to "flush" the line. Then most patients get a syringe of Benadryl to push before hooking up to the bag of IV antibiotics. I had told the nurses the past couple of days that it seemed hard for me to push the Heparin. Like I was pushing the plunger on the syringe but it wasn't going anywhere. We thought it was due to the lack of strength in my hands so today the nurse tried to push the Heparin for me. She found it was very hard to push as well. This is not good news. I haven't had the PICC line for a whole week yet and apparently my thick blood is trying to clot the line. So, it was decided that we will push another syringe of Heparin after I'm done with the IVs to try and keep the line clear.

When I went back this afternoon for treatment I was able to push the Heparin myself a bit easier. The nurse thinks it would be best for us to continue to push a second dose of Heparin at the end of my treatments in order to help my thick blood not clot the line. If the line clots that basically means I would have to get another PICC line put in. And I DO NOT want to go through that because they would likely have to use my right arm. You aren't supposed to lift more than 5 lbs. with the hand that your PICC line is in and since I'm right handed it would be difficult to have a new line put in that arm. So please pray that the double doses of Heparin daily will help thin my blood and keep this line useable. I also think the double dose of the Heparin helps with my pain because thick blood can cause alot of joint and muscle pain. I still hurt a lot, but it is not near as bad as it once was.

That's the medical part of the update. The mental part is that I had such a better day today. I cut back on the Benadryl as much as I could (I have to have at least 150 mgs to keep my histamine levels low). I also skipped a dose of Valium which helped me feel a little lighter. I didn't feel like I was under such a fog. I did my normal nap between treatments of course and am about to head to bed now. I am still exhausted, but I spent a lot of time praying today. Praying for all the people around me that are suffering so much more than I am - more than I care to even imagine. I have a new attitude about all of this now because God's allowed me to see that I am so very lucky to have gotten here before things got worse and progressed. I feel blessed to be able to walk out of my treatments under my own steam and not with the aide of a walker or in a wheelchair.

I talked to M today and he went to church with a friend of his and really enjoyed the sermon and he said he was praying for every patient in the clinic. He too got to see first hand how lucky we are compared to some of the others that are in treatment. We both seemed to have turned a corner with our attitudes and I thank God for soothing and comforting us both. We are learning to truly lean on God every day for our every need.

Thank you for all your prayers and know that I feel they are what helped me feel so much lighter today. Knowing there are so many people out there who are concerned about me and who love me enough to read this and check on me has really humbled me. I pray to keep that perspective, to be humble, meek, and in awe of what He can do.

I hope you all had a good Father's Day - I did miss getting to spend time with my daddy today. However, I am so very thankful that I have such a wonderful father on this earth who would walk on hot coals if it meant I would be well. He's doing without his wife for a few weeks just so I can have someone here to help me. I feel so lucky to have him here as my father on this earth and to have my Father in heaven who both love me so very much.

I read some really good verses while I was in treatment this afternoon. This one got me:

"But I call to God and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress and he hears my voice." Psalm 55:16-17

God heard my cries of distress last night and He calmed me and gave me such a better day today. Thank you God for always hearing my cries and always carrying me through those rough, dark days to show me the brighter days ahead.