Massively confused but ever amused

So today I found out that the doctor is putting my on twice the amount of Heparin (blood thinner) since I am having trouble keeping my PICC line from getting clogged. The nurse also said she would switch the antibiotic the doctor had prescribed for my whopping cough to a Z-pack & would have it sitting in my treatment chair this afternoon. When I got there I saw the envelope & gave it to mom to go get it filled. Mom gave me the bag tonight & I saw that it wasn't a Z-pack but it was actually Bactrin which is a Sulfa based antibiotic and I'm allergic to sulfa!!! Geesh. So tomorrow I will take that back & see if we can get it changed to the Z-pack.

The doctor also ordered that I stop the IV antioxidents for now because of the nausea. I told them I didn't want to be putting myself behind - I'm very happy to do whatever I need to do in order to get well even if it isn't pleasant. I told them I could handle the nausea if the antioxidents would help me get well faster. The nurse said I'm not like most patients. Apparently passing 100+ kidney stones makes one see pain & discomfort in a different light. She said most patients are always complaining about trying to get off certain supplements or certain drugs because it gives them headaches, upset stomachs, etc. She told me I was actually doing the opposite & I was pushing my body too hard. The doctor doesn't want me to push too hard because it will only prolong the illnesses. I'm just so ready to get on with the plan & get some good results that I don't dwell on the uncomfortable parts. I've been in pain for a long time now & I guess I've just gotten used to feeling this way. I knew that IV drugs & supplements would make me feel worse before they made me feel better but apparently I'm too sick to push as hard as I would like. So, I stopped the antioxidents today. The good thing is that is one less hour in that chair in the morning & I don't come home feeling so moody and uncomfortable.

I'm confused about the remaining tests I have left to take. I'm confused about why I got the wrong antibiotic. I'm confused about when I actually meet with the doctor again. I'm confused about just learning this new routine. I'm confused most of the time because my brain isn't getting good blood flow or oxygen. I forget things as soon as someone says them to me. But I'm trying to see everything in the best possible light. I believe God is helping me with that because even though I'm massively confused, I am also very amused.

I am amused by my new treatment friend, S, who sits in the chair next to me. My chair is next to a wall on my right and she is next to me on my left. She is 19 and reminds me a lot of me at that age. I often forget that there is a 15 year age gap between us because she's mature for her age & she has a really good mental outlook on this whole treatment process. I love that she laughs every day and focuses on all the positive things! She also does & says all sorts of things that crack me up. She's extremely talented & makes really cool jewelry, t-shirts, and is an excellent photographer. And yesterday morning I was told of another skill she is working on - the hula hoop. It's like 6:45 am and we're just getting hooked up to our IVs and dosed with Benadryl when she looks at me out of nowhere & says, "Do you know how to do any hula hoop tricks?" At first I asked her to repeat herself because I didn't think I understood her. But I had and that's when I laughed and said, "Yes, actually I do." Those who know me well could tell you I mastered the hula hoop as a child and later in my college years I even won a contest for my hula hooping skills...lol. So the fact that after knowing me for about 5 days, she just had this 6th sense that she was sitting next to a fellow hula hoop person made me laugh so hard. Then she told me she's working on learning some new tricks. I have no doubt she will master them quite soon. As soon as I can muster up the energy I am going to join her & try and see if this old body can remember how to hula hoop without breaking a hip - lol.

So yes, treatment is exhausting and frustrating and slow. Bad news seems to come out every day, if not for me, then for some other patient. At times you hear other patients in the room just crying because we all have brains that are altered and overwhelmed. But then there's the good times I will take with me like S & her hula hooping ways. She even made me a shirt today with a picture of David Bowie dressed like his Goblin King character from the movie "Labyrinth" on the front & on the back it says "Dance Magic Dance". Again, those who know me well understand that Labyrinth is one of my all time favorite movies from when I was 11. The fact that she wasn't even born when it came out makes it even cooler that she knows it and loves it like I do!

I'm not feeling so great, I'm very tired, and things aren't fun, but I thank God for giving me S to sit next to me who makes me laugh even when I want to cry. And who could easily make me laugh until I cry - ha.

This afternoon I started reading "100 Days In The Secret Place" and it has been very eye opening for me. I'll share some of it later on another day because I'm tired now. But thanks for reading & listening & just going through this rollercoaster ride with me. I don't feel isolated with all of you out there reading and praying and I even feel a little insulated (if that makes sense) having S and a few other special treatment friends to help me make light of this difficult time in our lives.

This verse makes me think of S and my other treatment friends who have welcomed me with open arms and open hearts allowing me to confide both my deepest longing (to be healthy) and my deepest fears about the whole process of getting healthy. They make me smile and bring me peace:

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God." Matthew 5:9 (NRSV)

I hope something made you laugh really hard today. I think God loves to hear His children praise His name and I also think He loves to hear us laugh as we share His love with one another.