So last night was again a frustrating time of little to no sleep. I've calculated that in the past 4 days I have gotten a total of about 10 hours of sleep. I cried when M woke me up this morning to go to the doctor. I cried like a 3 year old who needs a nap in the worst way - and I do. I didn't even want to do the stupid glucose test (the one where I get to eat all the good sugars & carbs) because I am so exhausted that I thought I'd scream if someone poked another needle in me. I pray that the following is somehow readable and that you're able to understand it because I'm just typing and I have no idea if I'm making sense anymore!
Now having said that I was in no mood to even go to the doctor today I want to explain how I'm continually getting to see how this doctor is so very different from any other that I have seen (and believe me I've seen a TON). She took one look at me today while I was laid out on her couch having huge muscle spasms - the ones that make me look like I'm having some sort of spastic seizure - and immediately started getting things to help me. She had me drink water with a magnesium supplement in it (I'm defecient in magnesium & that can cause the muscle spasms). Then she had a nurse come in & give me a shot of Valium right in the fanny. And I know I said I didn't want to be poked again but when they said a shot of Valium I said, "When, where & how quickly?" - lol. Then the weird thing was this piece of equipment that has a wire (almost like an iPod) with two clips that clip onto your earlobes. They turn it on and it helps with electomagnetic stuff to help calm the brain. Apparently my brain is just firing off electrical signals like crazy and this machine does something I won't even pretend to understand to calm those signals down. All I know is that for the first time in a long time I was able to lay down with almost no twitching within 20 minutes.
She's prescribed Ativan (a drug similar to Valium) for me to take 4 times day for right now. She also has prescibed Valium to be taken as needed. I will be taking so many supplements that I can't even list them all but there's everything from Vitamin D to magnesium and a bajillion more that will help everything from the moods, twitches, stomach problems and my sudden rages.
I just have to tell you that I have had it with the little boys upstairs. They don't just run they run and then JUMP and it is CONSTANT. I would be "somewhat okay" with that if it were just during the day but they were doing that all night last night - even past midnight! I taught preschool so I know that little boys love to run, but I also know it's possible to teach them to walk - at least part of the time. I don't blame the boys for wanting to run, I just cannot handle the noise at all right now. I know I'm super sensitive right now, but the bangs and booms have been so bad that even M wanted to go up there last night & have it out with the parents. If it's bothering him then I KNOW it's bad! We realized over the past few days that there is NO WAY for me to stay in this apartment now. So, I will be moving to another apartment complex. The new place will have me on the top floor and my next door neighbors will be an older couple. M is happy about this but we have to pray that the one furnished apartment that is "available" is ready for us to move in on Monday. It was rented for the whole month of June by a company for an employee to live in while he worked here & he's done & moving out this weekend. But we're hoping the company is ready to unload the apartment as well. The people at the rental office are calling the company to see if they would like to cut it short so we could move Monday. PLEASE PRAY THAT I CAN GET THERE!!!!
Monday is also the only day that I am not having some sort of test done! Then Tuesday is when everything starts! I have the PICC line inserted on Tuesday morning & then right after will have a sonogram done of my belly for the doctor to check on some organs (I forgot which ones she mentioned). I will leave the hospital and head straight to the clinic for the first round of treatment! After that I will be at the clinic every day (weekends included) from like 7:00 - 10:00 in the morning and 3:00 - 6:00 in the afternoon for the treatments. So Monday is the only day I have where M & I wouldn't feel pushed and could actually move our stuff and have time to get settled a little bit. I don't know how my toy poodle will handle another move either. He feeds off my moods and his anxiety is fever pitch right now being in a new place and the upstairs banging is really wearing him thin as well! So, this prayer request is one that is important for my treatment because I cannot handle the noise & if I can't keep myself calm and get rest then I won't heal quickly. This isn't an "I want a nicer apartment" prayer request at all. I like the place we're in and wish we didn't HAVE to move. This is a prayer request for me to get somewhere where I can just heal. I don't care about what it looks like - I just need a decent bed and some QUIET!!!
Okay - I'm done rambling on. There was a lot more info given at the meeting with the doc this morning but I couldn't really participate mentally and she spoke mainly to M since I was having trouble just trying to keep my spasms under some sort of control. I'll digest all of the info once I listen to the recording of the meeting sometime over the weekend. Then when my brain is not running so fast - like it is right now from the happy feet neighbors above - I'll try and write more to explain what all we're finding out about my body and my illnesses.
I'm sending love to you all & I am truly trying to channel God's love in order to "love my neighbor as I love myself" right now!!! I am so thankful for all of your prayers and that God has allowed me to be enveloped in prayer and love as I go through the most difficult trials of this journey. Even though I am at my wits' end I still know that this is all such a blessing.
I just flipped to a couple of good verses for today (thank you Lord for directing my hands & fingers in the process):
"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 (NIV)
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
(and I know how WEAK I am in every sense of the word!!!)
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5 comments:
K - it totally gives a whole new perspetive on "love thy neighbor" as I do mean that in a joking, but heartfelt, manner. Good luck with the move and I pray hard that it's an easy transition.
Love you.
Oh - my daughter is also having to take a low dose of Atarax at night. Strange for an 11 1/2 year old--I know. She has severe Eczema and can literally take off a layer of skin scratching her arms while she sleeps. I HATE having to get her up in the am because I know she is so groggy.
Hey Sweet... I just saw your first musical inspiration from the other day - and just want you to remember some of those I was sent. But here... this is all I could find but it speaks volumes in a way. I love you!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVyO0I_kJuw&feature=related
Hey girl! Haven't been home too long, just sat down and read everything. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of these tests, but at least you and M can find out what is going on. I am so thankful that this doctor seems to be concerned and caring and can see you as sick and not just turn you away. God has answered all of our prayers by bringing you both to her. I am praying everyday that He will give her the wisdom to diagnose you and be able to heal you, with His help of course. I know that all of this is hard and it will take time but I do pray that He gives you strength to endure everything that lies ahead and I know that He will. Just know that I love you and M, and little m, and I am praying continously for strength for y'all, wisdom for the doctor, compassion, and everything else that I can ask Him for y'all. I know that He is with you and M and He is holding you up and giving you courage and the ability to be able to handle all of this. I love you very much! And tell M that I am so thankful that you have such a wonderful, compassionate husband and that he is doing an excellent job taking care of you. I love him too! Found some verses that I want to share w/ you.
He gives strength to those who are tired and more power to those who are weak. Even children become tired and need to rest, and young people trip and fall. But the people who trust the Lord will become strong again. They will rise up as an eagle in the sky; they will run and not need rest; they will walk and not become tired. Isaiah 40:29-31
So don't worry, because I am with you. Don't be afraid, because I am your God. I will make you strong and will help you; I will support you with my right hand that saves you. Isaiah 41:10
I love you,
Stacye
Thank you all so much!!! I love getting your comments on here. It helps me to see if what I wrote actually came out in the way I intended! Sometimes this brain just can't process so that's when I pray that God gets me through and helps me send the message He wants put out there. Thanks for your prayers and your support so very much!!!
I love ourlifeinmywords.blogspot.com! Here I always find a lot of helpful information for myself. Thanks you for your work.
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Best regards
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