My treatment life

Sorry it's taken so long for me to update on here. It's been a really rough few days. The meds & supplements I'm on are breaking down the biofilms and other stuff where all these bacteria and viruses have been hiding out. That's good because we have to get them out of hiding so the medication can get to them and kill them. However, it's also bad because I apparently have a lot of bacterial infections and viruses that have just been hiding out and lying dormant in my body. As the biofilms break down these infections and viruses come out into my body and start moving around causing me to feel really lousy.

Maybe this is a better way to explain it. I've had mono hiding out in my body for 20 years. Most people get mono (aka Epstein Barr Virus) once and their immune system builds an antibody for it and within a month or so their symptoms go away & they feel better. They usually never have "active mono" again but that isn't because it has left their system. It's because their immune system recognizes it & keeps it from flaring up again. My immune system doesn't do that. Which would explain how I've had "active mono" 5 different times. It seems my immune system has never worked well with fighting infections and viruses. But now we're attacking them where they live - almost like we've gotten Bin Laden out of that cave he's been hiding in. Once they are out they want to wreak havoc on me and they have been,

This treatment is hard and long. However it's a good sign when you get worse symptom wise because it means you're flushing all the stuff out of hiding & the drugs can kill it. For now I am dealing with an active case of mono, an active case of strep, an active case of Influenza A & B. That's just what has come out in 4 days of treatment. So if you can imagine having strep throat, mono, and the flu all at the same time then you can come close to understanding how I feel physically.

Then there's the drugs like the IV antibotics, IV antioxidants, and IV Benadryl. The antibiotics are battling everything and my body is already so weak that I can't help in the fight. I can only feel the battle going on inside me. I eat as much as I can to help keep the "good fighter cells" filled with energy. I take supplements to help boost my circulation, supplements to help strengthen my immune system, supplements to help my body detox or get rid of the bad bacteria, etc., etc.

The doctor says I'm really low in magnesium and I'm low in potassium so I'm on drugs for that too. We're getting my body ready for what comes next really. These smaller infections aren't the hard ones. The hard ones have yet to surface - like the Bartonella. We can see it hiding in my red blood cells but we have to get everything else knocked out first before my body can handle waging a war on the really tough infections.

So, I'm sorry if I'm not keeping in touch as well. Please know that I still feel every prayer and that God is constantly with me, battling for me as my body tries to remember what healthy bodies actually do. He has given me the strength to do things I never thought I'd be capable of. I am so appreciative that He holds me up when I want to cry and just fall down and quit.

M left today and my mom came in town last night. So glad Mom's here but I really hated M leaving. He'll be back in a few weeks but it's hard to be without him physically as I try and keep up this fight.

For those of you who want to know my daily routine it's something like this:
6:00 a.m: wake up, eat breakfast, take Valium & Ativan, brush teeth and go to clinic in my pjs.
7:00 a.m: Heparin (blood thinner) has been pushed through the IV, 1 dose of IV Benadryl has
been given, and 2 hour IV antibiotic bag has been started
9:00 a.m: 2nd of IV Benadryl has been given, IV bag is switched to the 1 hour IV antioxidents
10:15 am: Leave clinic feeling nauseated. Get to apartment & take 2 supplements on empty
stomach and 30 minutes later eat some type of protein & take all the pills that have
to be taken with food. Take another Ativan.
11:00 am: nap
2:00 p.m: Wake up, take the supplements that are taken on an empty stomach, eat more
protein, drink some liquid supplements, take another Ativan & a Valium.
3:15 p.m: Head to clinic for 2 hour bag of antibiotics and 2 more doses of Benadryl
5:30 p.m: Leave clinic come take empty stomach supplements, wait 30 minutes, eat dinner,
take the "with food" supplements, drink more supplements.
6:30 p.m.: Lay in bed and try to rest
9:00 p.m: Take last Ativan & Valium. Take 2 Benadryl pills and a sleeping pill & hopefully
fall asleep by 10:00.

This schedule is repeated 24/7. I get IV therapy on weekends on the same schedule as during the week. It is hard. It is all very hard physically, mentally and emotionally. I know I am withdrawing from people right now but I am also connecting with people in treatment who can really relate to what my entire life has been like. I don't want to withdraw from the general public but right now my focus has to be on treatment and only treatment. I'm having so many cognitive problems that I have to write down each pill I take on a sheet or I will likely take it again 5 minutes later because I just can't remember anything anymore.

I'm not sure I did a real good job on this entry. I'm not sure about a lot of things I do anymore. But I do know that I pray and God helps me get through it. For example, today I got my first Bicillin shots (sp?). These suckers are miserable. It's like having someone inject Elmer's glue into your butt. They give you Lidocaine patches to wear for 2-3 hours before you get the shots (on on each side - yippee) to help with the pain. Yet still people winced when they said, "OOOHHH, you're starting your Bicillin shots today? Good luck". I was already feeling like crap and had no desire to be put through any more pain. I laid on the table and as the nurse gave the injection on the first side I prayed repeatedly, "Lord please take this pain for me. Lord, please take this pain for me." I said it over and over and did the same as she gave the second injection. And guess what - He did take that pain for me. I'm not saying it didn't hurt, but it was NOTHING compared to what I've heard from other patients and the nurse even looked surprised when she said, "You didn't even shed a tear!" I thanked God and I took my sore fanny home to sit on a heating pad.

Even through all of this I know this place is where I am meant to be. I know God sent me here because it is the right place for me to be healed and as much as I hate treatments, I told M last night that even though I wish so badly that I could be at home, I wouldn't go home now. Nope. I've started the fight and now I just hunker down and stick to it for the long haul constantly praying that I continue to cling to God and the routine of getting healthy.

Forgive me if I don't update often. I know in a few weeks I will be feeling stronger and will be able to keep everyone updated more often. As for now just pray that I continue to focus more on "treatment mode" and do everything the doctor asks me to do so that I don't stay here any longer than absolutely necessary. My job right now is to thank God for getting me here and to obey Him because He sent me here for a reason and I don't want to waste one minute of my time here.

Also, please pray for the other people I have met in treatment. Some of them are in constant pain and they have been through so much. Please pray that God touches them and that He helps them get over the anger of being sick and that He helps them let go of that mindset so that He can heal them from the inside out. I don't know how people could go through this if they didn't believe God was right by their side!

And to finish (finally beause this took 2 hours to write...slow brain for real!) I felt these verses were good ones to cling to:

"The Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7 (NRSV)

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful and I know that full well." Psalm 139:14 (NIV)

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5 (NIV)

And I am waiting on the Lord and I put my trust, my faith, and my all in His word and in His strength. Please know that I feel every single one of your prayers and they lift my spirits and allow me to trust in God even more knowing that you are all out there trusting in Him right along with me.